Afraid Of Your Own Voice


“Stay strong, Stand up, Have a voice” – Shawn Johnson

“I should tell them”, that was the conclusion that I had to face after a week of non-stop thinking. This idea had to get out there somehow and it was best to prepare everybody on what a great, thought-out plan I had. I had finally realized that there was no way I was going to keep this Ironman thing a secret. I mean, people where going to notice it if I would excercise for 10+ hours a week, would not spend any day travelling to my college in Breda and spend all the money I made with my 3 part-time jobs on a triathlon bike instead of beer. So I had one thing left to do: tell my family and girlfriend that I was going to participate in an Ironman Triahtlon.

“You know how this is going to work out right?”, just freaking great, a voice in my head. That was just what I needed, another opinion to take into account. However, the voice was right. When it came down to speaking out or standing up for myself I was not particularly somebody who was known for that exact skill. Especially not with my parents, don’t get me wrong, my parents are awesome and I can tell them everything, it’s more that I am blown away by other peoples opinion so quickly that I forgot I had an actual opinion to start with. It was all-or-nothing for Ironman and I had one change to leave a good impression. With this almost demotivating peptalk I decided there was only one right thing to do: procrastinate.

After a time I had found my balls again and decided that I should probably start with my girlfriend: she was the one most likely to accept this idea, at least, I felt it like that. “Ruub (Rubienne is her name), I want to do an Ironman”, there it was, it was all up to the gods now. “A nice idea” that is what she thought of it, no struggle, no questions; I was stunned, all the arguments that I had came up with could be put back in a big box, I didn’t need them, she just agreed with me.

With my parents I have long hold on to the tactic of procrastinating but when my aunt asked me, in front of my mother, if I was going to continue with college I didn’t had a choice. I have never seen my mom so confussed, like I had put a cat in a room full of red dots. Whether it was the fact that she was totally stunned or I had just delivered a great sales-pitch (highly unlikely), she thought the idea wasn’t all that bad,  well, good enough for me! Eventually my mom ended up telling my father. We had a good talk about the idea and because I would have a serious mental-breakdown if I couldn’t go on with this plan, they gave their support.

I have to say that this is one of the greatest things that Ironman has brought me this year, I learned that my opinion mattered, especially when it comes down to my own situation, and that I HAVE A VOICE AND THAT IT IS FULLY FUNCTIONING! This may sound idiotic but lots of people have trouble speaking out because they are afraid of all those imaginary situations that they have come up with in their heads. If you’re having trouble, all I can say is: Speak Out! it may actually change your life…

Speak Out!

(My blogs may not be in chronological order, I know. I will try from know on but you see, my mind is a mess, that’s what it is)


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